Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat

I need to talk about my new obsession: flaxseed.



I’ve been talking to Muffin Top and Arm Fat about it endlessly so I figured that maybe I need a new place to discuss it because I’m positive they’re starting to think I’m crazy. Simply put, I’m pretty sure flaxseed has magical qualities.

Since Monday I have put a teaspoon and a half in my oatmeal in the mornings. Since then I have been feeling fuller, wanting sugar less and feeling like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Why it’s magic I don’t know. Maybe it’s fiber? Maybe it’s mental? But I don’t really care. I just figured I’d share the wealth because me + flaxseed=happy.

The only way flaxseed could be better is if it walked over to my ex-boyfriend and slapped him. But that’s really the only way and you can’t really except something you add to your oatmeal to be capable of that. So, I guess it’s just completely awesome.

~Love Handles

Chub Face Syndrome

Chub-face syndrome: noun [chuhb-feys sin-drohm] A condition characterized by having a skinny body paired with a not-so skinny face.

Examples:

-Muffin Top

WOO

The skinny girls ATE NACHOS AND DRANK BEER and we are STILL SKINNY!!!!

Guest Writer: Bloated Dishes about Boys

No matter what size you are there is one time when the last thing you want is a hand on your stomach: when you are laying down on your side. Women have mastered the cuddle, laying one your back with your arms over head, your boy’s hands can rub your tummy as much as he’d like to. When you cuddle up next to him on your side facing him, it’s convenient how your cleavage just seems to be pouring out. However one flaw in the cuddling department, weather your wearing his oversize tee or not, that you cannot avoid: the spooning tummy rub.

Spooning is the curse of the best canoodling position. His arm falls asleep after you’ve been in dreamland for minutes, and he has no choice but to yank you into reality as he desperately tries to gain feeling in his tingling appendage. We all love being little spoon, and guys enjoy it too. As he smells your hair he can put his arms around you and pull you close, so close there is no way you would be able to wiggle free if you wanted to.

Than just as you are getting comfortable, he slides his hand towards your belly button. Instinctively you both felt the jolt of your body screeching up right as you suck the daylights out of your body, it ruins the mood because you can no longer relax until you slide your hand under his, and bring it from your problem area.

Guys don’t seem to get it, whether you are big, small and every where in between, when you are laying on your side everything oozes forward, no one can contain the smushing of the loose tummy skin, its gravity. You can be perfectly secure with your body and will still feel self conscious and uncomfortable at that moment.

Apparently I this move one too many times on my guy when he finally sat up right, grabbed my shoulders and very firmly stated this very fact:

“I don’t care what you think about your body, it does not matter to me if you think your having one of your ‘fat days’. If you feel bloated than maybe don’t drink beer the night before because I am going to put my hand wherever I want. I will never notice you changing sizes, nor will it ever phase me, to me you are the most beautiful women in the world and that is never changing. All I want to do is hold you. This may not happen over night but I am willing to work with you, because this is happening.”

I did not know what to say through my strong feelings of embarrassment, shock, love and amazement for this wonderful guy that I found. One who saw through one too many of my tricks, and is fed up with my petty catty thoughts. What is natural we cannot help, but we can help our ridiculous need to fight it. The skinny girls are only there to remind us that men like curves, and a girl who won’t order a side salad in a burger joint and then eat all of his fries.

Sincerely,
Bloated

This really happened. . .

Love Handles: Hey, Muffin Top what’s up?

Muffin Top: Nothing much, want a snap pea?

LH: No thanks, I have some cucumbers at my desk.

MT: Good job!

LH: Thanks.

These are our snacks. We have some real problems. Additionally, MT and LH SPLIT a 100 calorie pack of cookies yesterday. Approximately 4 quarter-sized cookies each. True story.

~Love Handles

Annoying Things Skinny People Do

Another annoying thing skinny people do:

Leave the last few sips of a margarita or a glass of wine when they leave the table. Seriously???

- ArmFat

PS: Muffin top - I LOVE your haiku

Skinny in the News . . .

So - Mariah got skinny. I still don’t care about her.

Thanks to perezhilton.com for the defining little-waist-big-boobs shot - are those puppies fake??

- ArmFat

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat

This is more of a rant. Arm Fat inspired me to discuss something that has been on my mind lately. I’m convinced the world/corporate America wants people to be fat. I feel like every SINGLE place I go I’m encouraged to eat something ridiculous. Example: Yesterday I was at a Starbucks getting an iced Americano (disgusting, but 15 calories and an appetite suppressant. Can’t go wrong). After I ordered my drink, I had the following conversation with the “barista”:

Barista: Would you like a breakfast sandwich?

LH: No

B: Muffin?

LH: No

Guy Behind the Counter Not Taking my Order: Low-fat Muffin?

LH: NO!

I understand that I’m not fat…but COME ON. I definitely don’t look like I haven’t eaten in a week. While ridiculously overblown, the movie SuperSize Me brings up good points. HOW is that even an option? No one in the world needs that many fries. We have an obesity epidemic, heart disease is killing off people like crazy, Europeans make fun of us…these are all problems. Big big big problems. And now there’s this:

This shake is 1500 calories. Honestly. HONESTLY. No one in their right mind needs that. No one should even want that because it is absurd. I don’t care if you eat celery for the remainder of the day. But give me a break. How does this even exist? The Food and Drug Administration is clearly too busy approving insane weight loss pills that give people weird side effects. If I see anyone drinking this there’s a chance I’m going to lecture them at length and that I’m going to be ‘that girl’ that says: “Did you know that that has 1500 calories?” I know that would make me immediately want to vomit, so really I’d be doing a public service.

~Love Handles

Healthy Potluck

The skinny girls are having a picnic!!!!!

And this is what we are eating:

PSYCH!

- ArmFat

A Haiku

An empty stomach

Growls as I drink my Slim Fast

Skinny I am not

-Muffin Top

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat

No further comment really required, this is just true.

~Love Handles

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat

I had a 6 inch veggie sub from Subway today. With the cheese I put on it, this weighs in at approximately 300 calories MAX. I somehow feel guilty about eating this instead of the sad little non-sandwich I made from home. I’m starting to worry about myself…

~Love Handles

Cankles Alert

I actually find this terrifying…the development of cankles is in my top 10 greatest fears.

~Love Handles

Annoying Stuff Fat People Do

Not exercising: Ok, admittedly this is slightly motivated by my last post, but it’s still relevant so I’m sticking with it. As a frequent gym-er, I am constantly amazed by the lack of people at the gym that “need” to be there. In college, our campus gym was a fashion show. People legit got dressed up in cute outfits and wore mascara. That was ridiculous, but I went to a college that pretty much bred insanely attractive people…what better place to pick up than at the gym?? I guess. I assumed, incorrectly, this would change once I left college. Wrong. There are still shockingly few fat people at my gym. WHY?? I see fat people on public transportation every day. And I read the newspaper (ie-article I hate). I’ve seen statistics, I know these people exist. Why aren’t they at the gym?! I can tell you why…they have a mysterious disease/injury that prevents them from going. I hear it all the time from “them” because they seem to like to talk about it when they see normal-you heading to the gym/talking about a gym experience. “I used to like going to the gym but then I pulled my ‘insert made up muscle here’ and I’ve never been the same since!” Ridiculous.

Advice for the skinny girl who thinks she’s fat: Keep going to the gym and talking about going to the gym. Maybe fat friend will catch on. Additionally, keeping your headphones in even if you’re not listening to anything can be a good tactic in preventing conversation about these mysterious ailments.

~ Love Handles

In the news . . .

I understand that this post is not going to be well-received by some so I’m sorry in advance. I came across an article in today’s newspaper about advocates of a law protecting obese people from discrimination.

“In an overwhelmingly overweight nation that worships thinness, many describe prejudice against the obese as one of the last socially acceptable biases. Advocates for the plus-sized, particularly activists in the “fat acceptance” movement, want obesity to become a category legally protected against discrimination, like religion, race, age and sex. But not everyone agrees.” ~Chicago Tribune (http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/health/chi-fatapr28,0,125356.story)

OK. I would agree for sure that there is some stereotyping against fat people. Obviously, all of the posts about annoying stuff fat people do perpetuate/will perpetuate stereotypes. But come on. Morbid obesity/obesity/being overweight doesn’t come from out of nowhere. There can be genetic factors, sure. I definitely know the girl that can eat whatever in the world she wants without doing a second of exercise and stay a size 2. I also know that I work my butt off to stay healthy and try to look how I want to look. At some point, it IS an issue of self-control. And a lack of self-control/self-worth can be unappealing to employers, regardless of qualifications.

Pop culture reference–the show The Biggest Loser almost perfectly demonstrates my point. Extreme dieting for sure, but these contestants are all grossly overweight and LOSE WEIGHT. The most recent contestant went from over 200 pounds to 125. It takes work, obviously. But staying fit takes work too. Of course I’d rather have pizza tonight for dinner instead of a lean cuisine. Of course I’d rather have had an incredible Potbelly breakfast sandwich instead of a breakfast bar. And it’s not an issue of time, I work hard and sometimes late. To make up for that, I wake up at 5. And sure, that sucks. But adjusting my schedule and making good lifestyle decisions is what makes me not obese in reality (just in my head).

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat

My life is a series of two different days. Good and bad, obvious descriptions. Except for me I refer to this as good or bad in terms of what I ate. Good days=probably far too little calories with more exercise than necessary in one day, ie-grapefruit, depressingly tasteless sandwich, lean cuisine, energy bar (if i’m really good!). Bad days=I had a mini Milky Way which resulted in an insane amount of food for breakfast, lunch, dinner and then drinking. This has resulted in me feeling like this today:

And also like this:

Today I am trying to have a good day while hungover, which is difficult. I would like to eat a bagel with butter, followed by a bag of skittles and then maybe a milkshake to wash it all down.

However, in my mind, if today is good day it will somehow erase all of this past week. I think that seems logical so I’m sticking with it because obviously if I lose 10 pounds I will be richer, more successful and the boy(s) I’m in love with will fall in love with me immediately. Obviously. I’m going to go eat some celery now.

~Love Handles

For the easily offended/disclaimer?

I feel it is necessary at this point in our blogging to more fully define some of the terms we use. While the word “skinny” may have a negative connotation, it is important to understand that is only because you are thinking of Hollywood/LaLohan-circa the cocaine and fake tanner phase. We are simply using “skinny” to describe being “not fat.” If that still offends you - go with “healthy.”

And while it may seem like by using terms like arm fat, muffin top, or love handles that we are beating up on ourselves. It is actually quite the opposite. Because if you can’t look at the state of American body image and laugh, the only alternative is giving up food - something that these three skinny girls are NOT willing to try.

Sincerely,

ArmFat